I'm Back...in time for ELUL

Hey guys, sorry about my leave of absence, I was super busy with college and restarting yeshiva and stuff. Anyways I'm going to try and post more regularly now.

  For those of you who haven't been to a yeshiva, I'd like to explain a bit about what elul zman is like. (if you dont know what elul is then use google) Firstly, there are way more schmoozes than normal, and trust me I HATE schmoozes. (more on that later) Secondly, the rabbis actually expect you to show up and stay there the whole seder. For someone who tries to not spend so much time in yeshiva this can be really annoying. A third problem  with elul zman is that all rabbis seem to think that in spite of not showing significant interest in the past, due to this magical time of year i now, for reasons unknown, want to change my ways and start plugging away at the shtender. So all in all it's not exactly the best of times to be in yeshiva for me.
      Schmoozes....the very word elicits various reactions in people. The excited rubbing of the hands of the yeshivish folk who listen to them (super, super rare because even yeshivish guys tend to hate schmoozes). The sarcastic yeshivish joke from the yeshivish guys who hate schmoozes (generally involving something about why it's a waste of their precious seder time). The classic "oh crap! I hope he doesn't take too long" from everyone who just wants to get the hell out of there. And finally the rolling of the eyes by people that just can't believe the spew that some if these rabbis say in their schmoozes. (I belong to group 3 & 4). My rosh yeshiva of course delivered a fire-and-brimstone speech about all sorts of stuff about judgement day and how god will punish us for not doing seder on time and how we should be in fear of these days. As well as the fact that any form of disastor that occurs is all thanks to our little asses. It would actually be kinda cool to have that much power. To think that hundreds of people could die because I ditched seder or chew traif gum is slightly absurd. Of course this was sprinkled with how how generation is a bunch of evil sinners.  I really am not a fan of this super-depressing outlook on life. It kind of makes you feel that if suicide wasn't assur than the rabbis would be killing themselves by the dozens seeing as death is really the only thing to look forward to.
     I would like to point out something which I think is pretty ironic. I spent years listening to schmoozes saying that we have to fear Rosh Hashana. This being the first year that I am finally totally not religious (in terms if belief, kinda became sure of myself last year around simchas torah time, before than I wasn't so sure even tho I was surfing the web on shabbos and stuff) is the first year that I am actually fearing rosh hashana! Albeit for a very different reason than the one advertised.It's not gonna be fun sitting through all that davening and all the schmoozes leading up to it.

As always please comment. thanx for being so patient