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Monday, September 5, 2011

I'm Back...in time for ELUL

Hey guys, sorry about my leave of absence, I was super busy with college and restarting yeshiva and stuff. Anyways I'm going to try and post more regularly now.

  For those of you who haven't been to a yeshiva, I'd like to explain a bit about what elul zman is like. (if you dont know what elul is then use google) Firstly, there are way more schmoozes than normal, and trust me I HATE schmoozes. (more on that later) Secondly, the rabbis actually expect you to show up and stay there the whole seder. For someone who tries to not spend so much time in yeshiva this can be really annoying. A third problem  with elul zman is that all rabbis seem to think that in spite of not showing significant interest in the past, due to this magical time of year i now, for reasons unknown, want to change my ways and start plugging away at the shtender. So all in all it's not exactly the best of times to be in yeshiva for me.
      Schmoozes....the very word elicits various reactions in people. The excited rubbing of the hands of the yeshivish folk who listen to them (super, super rare because even yeshivish guys tend to hate schmoozes). The sarcastic yeshivish joke from the yeshivish guys who hate schmoozes (generally involving something about why it's a waste of their precious seder time). The classic "oh crap! I hope he doesn't take too long" from everyone who just wants to get the hell out of there. And finally the rolling of the eyes by people that just can't believe the spew that some if these rabbis say in their schmoozes. (I belong to group 3 & 4). My rosh yeshiva of course delivered a fire-and-brimstone speech about all sorts of stuff about judgement day and how god will punish us for not doing seder on time and how we should be in fear of these days. As well as the fact that any form of disastor that occurs is all thanks to our little asses. It would actually be kinda cool to have that much power. To think that hundreds of people could die because I ditched seder or chew traif gum is slightly absurd. Of course this was sprinkled with how how generation is a bunch of evil sinners.  I really am not a fan of this super-depressing outlook on life. It kind of makes you feel that if suicide wasn't assur than the rabbis would be killing themselves by the dozens seeing as death is really the only thing to look forward to.
     I would like to point out something which I think is pretty ironic. I spent years listening to schmoozes saying that we have to fear Rosh Hashana. This being the first year that I am finally totally not religious (in terms if belief, kinda became sure of myself last year around simchas torah time, before than I wasn't so sure even tho I was surfing the web on shabbos and stuff) is the first year that I am actually fearing rosh hashana! Albeit for a very different reason than the one advertised.It's not gonna be fun sitting through all that davening and all the schmoozes leading up to it.

As always please comment. thanx for being so patient

17 comments:

  1. You think sitting through davvening on Rosh Hashona is bad? I actually have to be sheliach tzibbur. Now that is awkward! :(

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  3. A question for you: who's paying your yeshiva fees? If it's not you, is it fair to them to skip time you're scheduled to be there?

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  4. @ anonymous: where i come from (even though not so much in my immediate family) going to college is a big deal. And my posting style is drastically different from my speaking style, since I'm speaking here as a yeshiva guy I will call it college, however there are many times i will refer to it as school. To be totally honest: the fact that you give a crap about that marks you as a frummie, they're the only people who care about that kind of stuff. (BTW i've been called tons of things but frummie was never one of them)

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  5. @phil: does it really matter how much physical time i spend there? theyre paying for me to be part of a yeshiva, not to spend X amount of hours there. this is the way I'm part of a yeshiva. FYI my parents do know that i ditch tons and my dad always makes tuition jokes

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  6. You're absolutely right. It doesn't matter how much time you're physically present. What does have ethical implications is whether you're meeting the expectations of those paying the fees.

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  7. Pat and Phil: Why? Did they give him a choice about going?

    007: Will your parents kick you out of the house if you just tell them
    you need to go to college full time in the daytime, to finish quickly?
    What stops you from asking for this?
    Not talking about living a truthful lifestyle, taking off the suit, or publicly
    violating kashrus or shabbes, -- you can still lie about your lack of frumkeit, but why do you need to go to yeshiva?

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  8. elizabeth,

    007 writes as an adult. Morality is all about choices. I agree it's a difficult one.

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  9. Umm, why ARE you afraid of Rosh Hashanah if you don't believe in it?

    Now...I can't hold back.... Dude, as one human to another- sometimes your writing is unclear. If you have spare credits on your hands, take a writing class.

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  10. @anonymous: not to brag (ok i guess it technically is bragging) i got A+'s in comp 1&2, I think I got that covered. It's just slightly more complex than some of the blog writing that you may be used to.

    @ elizabeth: it's not about getting kicked out of the house, it's the general idea that my parent's would get really upset, if my dad wanted to not pay for yeshiva he would tell me he'd rather I didn't go. He knows that I don't really learn too much in yeshiva

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  11. Ok, more paragraph breaks please. More clarity for us non-yeshiva bochurim- I'm an FFB female, and somewhat lost. Not telling us why you're afraid of the holiday is just a tease.

    That's what I meant.

    -the nitpicky anonymous

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  12. Well I a, kind of pressed for time at the moment. However, I don't see a reason not to do a post on how insane Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are in yeshiva. That will prob be my next post I guess

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  13. sorry the fist line should read "Well I am kinda pressed..."

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  14. Here I am, 10am and my wife is giving me icy stares for still laying in bed rather than being in shul on this second day of Rosh Hashana. I just don't have the strength to pretend.

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  15. Just out of curiosity, how do you know that you aren't going to burn in hell forever?

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  16. I kinda feel for you as Im in the exact same situation as you exept that Im not in collage yet Im still stuck in Yeshiva full time

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  17. @jp well if your right then at least when im burning in hell you aren't gonna be there. trust me that's a huge comfort

    @hashem wow that sucks man

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